Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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