I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
