cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
