Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
