Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
