Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
