She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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