Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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