My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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