are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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