i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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