The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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