I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
