The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
