Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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