Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
