evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
