Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize