U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
