we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
