You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
