My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I deserve this hangover.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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