There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
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Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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