My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
