smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
