I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
