I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
