There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
