idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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