I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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