party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
