I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
