My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
