You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
