He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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