tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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