I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
