Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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