How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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