I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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