maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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