I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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