I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
