I wanna passion pit in your ass
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
