how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
