Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
