i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The power of my boobs compel you
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