BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
