I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
