how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
