I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
