oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
