I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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