ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
