I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
