you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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