Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So many bounce houses so little time
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
