My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
