look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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