There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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