Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
