Farmville is her only friend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
