hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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