just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
