I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
