It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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