saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the day after is always just damage control
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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