hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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