I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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