The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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