well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
